Hodge
by Patricia Sage
Summary: Hodge watches as Isabelle, Jace, and Alec grow up and wishes that he could do something more for them to ease their suffering.  But all he can do is watch.  Set before CoB.


**Author's Note: Hallo everybody! :) I don't know why I wrote this... Whatever. xP**

**Disclaimer: I don't own MI. *sigh***

**THTHTHTHTHTHTHTH**

Hodge cared about these kids so much.

He'd watched them grow up, watched them mature.

How he wished that they could go back to the way that they were when they were young and carefree.

He hates it how Isabelle has grown up so fast to keep up with her brothers, how she tries so hard to prove that she is just as good as them. Why couldn't she just stay an innocent little girl for a while longer?

He hates how Jace hides his feelings behind a smirk. He no longer lets anyone in, never cries, never laughs...at least not a real laugh. He lets out his frustration by hunting and usually getting himself hurt. The worst part is that he doesn't care.

It's Alec who is the worst, though. Hodge can tell what's going on with him. The way he looks at Jace and the way he is disgusted with himself. It's Alec who Hodge hears crying in his bedroom at night. It's Alec who looks like there is a constant weight on his shoulders that he can't lift and it's crushing him. He protects his brother and sister with his life, but no one praises him because he doesn't actually kill the demon.

Hodge wishes that there was more he could do for the children-because that's what they were, even though life made them age inside more quickly than they should have. He knew that this was normal among teens, especially teen Shadowhunters, but it seemed like these three were getting more than they had expected to deal with.

Hodge wishes that he could do more to help Isabelle than draw a rune when it was time to hunt. He wanted to take her shopping, wanted to take her on those walks in the park that she always wanted. But, his curse prevented him from leaving the Institute, and therefore preventing him from giving Isabelle the company that she longed for because her brothers and parents didn't have time. And it seemed like all Hodge had was time, but he couldn't use it for any good.

Hodge wants to be able to do more than make the remedy to the demon poisoning for when the three came home. Because, each time, it seemed that they always brought an injured Jace and a worried sick Alec and Isabelle. He wanted to be able to prevent Jace's self-destruction, not just heal him after the deed was done, so that he could get better and then do it again.

Hodge wants to be able to do more for Alec, too. He wants help more than just give the boy things to help him sleep at night, where his inner demons kept him awake. He wants to tell the boy that he's not alone, that he can talk to other people, if not him.

More than anything, Hodge just wishes that the children could feel like they _could_ come to him. That Isabelle could talk to him about her day, because no one else ever listens. That Jace could tell him what he was feeling and not keep it to himself and hurt the others by hurting himself. That Alec could open up to him and not be afraid of who he was and what everyone thinks.

But it doesn't matter what Hodge thinks and feels, because there's nothing he can do. He can't get that close to the teens, just like he can't get out of the Institute; it's because of the same man. So, Hodge watches as Isabelle leaves behind her childhood joy in everything and becomes cold and seductive. He watches as Jace grows into an unfeeling man so unlike the boy who first arrived here. He watches as Alec also becomes a man and no longer let's out his pain through tears, rather keeps it all inside and it tears him apart.

Hodge cared about these kids so much, but there was nothing he could do to help them.

**THTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTH**

**Author's Second Note: Okay I know that we have no idea what's inside Hodge's head but it was an idea knocking on the inside of my skull, so I wrote it. I was getting a headache. ;P Please review! *puppycat face***

**Take care.**  
**-Patricia Sage**


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